How to Praise Your Kids

So They Aren’t Afraid to Fail

When children try something hard, the way we cheer them on makes a huge difference in how they handle mistakes. It is natural to want to tell your child “You’re so smart!” when they get a good grade, but researchers like Dr. Carol Dweck have found that praising a child’s natural intelligence can actually make them afraid of making mistakes. When kids think success is all about being “smart,” failing at a tough assignment feels like proof that they aren’t smart anymore. To help our kids embrace challenges without fear, we need to praise their hard work, their strategies, and their choices instead of their talent.

When you notice your child working on a lesson, focus your compliments on their actions and process. For example, instead of saying, “You are a natural artist!” try saying, “I love how you kept trying different colors until you found the one you wanted.” Research shows that giving specific praise about effort gives children a mental toolkit they can use whenever they get stuck. You can also help them build confidence by asking questions that let them judge their own work, such as “How did it feel when you finally solved that puzzle?” This simple shift teaches kids that mistakes aren’t something to hide from—they are just part of learning something new.

3 Quick Tips

• Praise the path, not the person. Swap labels like “You’re a genius!” for specific observations like “I noticed how you used a diagram to solve that word problem.”
• Treat mistakes as discovery. When your child makes an error, say, “That didn’t work out, but what did we learn from trying it?” to keep their focus on growth rather than perfection.
• Ask before you praise. Build self-reliance by asking “How do you feel about what you created?” before offering your own compliment.

Resources & Further Reading

• Growth Mindset for Families: Learn more about Dr. Carol Dweck’s research on effort and growth mindsets at Mindset Works.
• The Power of Process Praise: Read about how early praise shapes long-term confidence in Elizabeth Gunderson’s research via the Society for Research in Child Development.
• Effective Feedback in Home Education: Explore John Hattie’s levels of feedback and how they apply to learning at Visible Learning.
• Handling Failure Constructively: Discover how parental attitudes toward mistakes impact children through Kyla Haimovitz and Carol Dweck’s study in Psychological Science.